Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Bottom

Blood that trickles down like tears,

racing to get to the bottom of something.

Gravity’s cruel effect on humanity.

When nearness to you feels more like death than life,

your illuminating presence exposes my dark.

Your love forces its way into every corner of my house.

At the bottom of everything is a question, “Can I be loved?”

So that’s where we’ll meet then, at the bottom.

My great crash is where you’ll raise me up,

and in a moment of weakness I will let my guard down,

leaving the door just wide enough to let love in.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Spiritual Exercises: "A Loved Sinner"

I've been working through some spiritual exercises that are modeled after Ignatius and what he took his followers through. Here's what I'm learning today:

102 (Loved Sinner):

I can’t understand God’s grace or love as a Holy God who would get Himself dirty to love us. It takes grace to understand grace.

It’s hard for me to admit I’m a poor sinner because I’m afraid of 1) being disarmed and unable to control what God sees when he chooses to love me and 2) being rejected for making mistakes. This is mostly why I resist God’s love.

When I resist, I’m like a prostitute who is being loved truly. I resist it, can’t believe it and reject it. I want limited, controlled, somewhat distant love. What I really want, however, is deep love for who I am, but I put my arms out to reject quite often.

God is for me, not ever against me. God is love. He started the reconciliation process between he and I. He also waits on the porch while we are away from home and then jumps off of it to come after us while we are slowly wandering on a road we hope will lead home. He embraces us with a passionate kiss, dirties his own clothes with that embrace and so confounds our understanding of how deep, far, wide and intense love is.